Here I am

Here I am, I'm back again. I am so ready to get back to life as normal. As many of you know I was taking a break because of some medical issues. I didn't share what they were but I feel I can do that now. I have always had problems all my life with my menstrual cycles. I have always had terrible cramps and heavy periods. I have lived with it so many years that it just became normal to have 2 or 3 days that I just didn't feel well every month. Whenever it wasn't so bad I was thankful and considered it a gift. As I have moved on into my 40's and into perimenopause the problems were getting worse. I have tried many different things including natural remedies as well as hormones. Due to blood loss the problem finally became life threatening and so I had an unplanned hysterectomy. I had to have a transfusion before the surgery and after. I must confess that it has all been pretty much a bummer.

I know you must be asking what in the world this has to do with beauty after 40 but let me assure you it does. Hormones determine our skin texture, the texture and shine of our hair and so many other things. I was given the choice of leaving one of my ovaries which would have prevented immediate menopause. I am not one who likes to revisit problems so I elected a complete hysterectomy. I also elected to have the traditional surgery rather than the other 2 options. These decisions ended up being the exact things I needed. They had problems and would have had to do the traditional surgery anyway. The cyst on my ovary as well as the fibroid that they knew about ended up being benign but they discovered that my cervix had precancerous cells. It has been a tough time for me since the surgery. I like to always be doing something and so it has been tough letting things I normally do go (like dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc). My dear hubby and son have really tried to keep them done for me and it has been really tough for me to not be critical. I can not say that I have been completely successful in that. In fact, one day I even had a melt down over it. I have had a couple meltdowns. I know the hormone changes are part of it (no matter how much that frustrates me) and it has been a pretty tough job not slipping into depression. All this has helped me to see how much of my identity is wrapped up in whether I consider myself useful or not. If I were ministering to someone else who told me that; I would tell them that they are important in their very essence just being and that being useful was not what was important to God or loved ones. It is funny how it took something like this to show me my own skewed thinking about myself. I have been shocked by how many women have come up to me and shared that they have also had the same surgery. I knew many did but I never imagined how many. I must say that the surgery and all the problems before and after the surgery have given me some pause. I have definitely been slowed down by all this so much more than I ever imagined. I had always been told that it only took 4-6 weeks to recover from the surgery. On this side of things I discovered that it truthfully takes 6 months to a year to return to normal again. It hasn't been the most painful surgery I have experienced, thankfully, but it has been frustrating for me. Frustrating because I feel better than they tell me I am. That sounds kind of weird but it is true. It is so tempting to bend and lift and go like I always have (honestly I have done some sneaky bending when no one has been looking). Everyone keeps warning me not to do it even though it seems like I might be able to. I have had many many warnings of "You will be sorry if you do it". Being the hard headed person that I can be at times that warning has just not been enough. I guess it was just too vague. I finally found out why and so I have been trying hard to be more careful and take it easy. I do not want any hernias or any of the internal stitches to be ripped out, or any of the other things that can happen. Everyone assures me that I will eventually be so glad I had this surgery. I am looking forward to that. I look forward to cleaning my house really really good. I look forward to feeling better and better. Thank you to all of you who have left the kind comments and especially to those of you who have lifted me in prayer. I appreciate you all so very much. I am glad to say, "here I am; I am back!
Until Next Time
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Deb said...

I'm so glad your back....hope your recovery goes well...

ClassyChassy said...

Glad to see you are back, and on the mend!

Jet said...

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Barbara said...

Debbie, I read your post and I am sorry you have had problems and you are right, it takes longer than they say to recover and they older you get the longer it takes.

Glad you are on the road to reocvery. I have visited your other blogs, please drop by to see me.


Nocona said...

Just found you on the Texas Blogg and I am another Texas gal from centeral Texas. I love your pink blog.