As I shared briefly a few days ago, I have had a heavy heart lately. A dear sweet friend of mine lost her son suddenly. This happened shortly before the holidays. This same son was the love of another dear friend. I watch helplessly as the family and loved ones struggle with the grief from the unexpected loss of someone so young. He left behind young children and it is just so hard to see someone so young die at such an early age. I grieve for him, his family, and all the possibility that we thought might have been and yet, I celebrate that he is at rest with my Lord. It just seems so odd to have such conflicting feelings at the same time.
Another dear sweet friend of mine passed away on the very same day we had our Christmas party. My husband sweetly waited until the party was over before telling me. It was not an unexpected death but it still hurt terribly. My friend had been battling cancer for more than 20 years and she had met death face to face more than once and still, when the news came that she finally was able to get her reward, I was deeply grieved. I remember my first words being, "I don't have enough friends to be losing any." I am Christian and I have no doubts whatsoever where she is spending eternity and even though I am so happy for her, I am still so sad for me because I miss sharing the Earth with her. We didn't get to see each other very often but somehow, knowing that we shared the Earth made it brighter for me.
The holidays have only passed by a couple of weeks and again, I am facing the death of another friend. It is cancer again (Oh how I hate Cancer!). This time it has been much swifter and yet just as devastating to him and to his family. I am so grieved for him, for his family, and for myself and yet I am torn too. Torn because I see the terrible struggle he is in and the torment that such a horrible disease wreaks on them and yet, I don't want to lose my friend. I don't want his family to lose him either but I can see there are worse things than death. Again, I do not have doubts about his eternity but yet it is such a tormenting thing for me to pray for his death to be swift. I tried it and it just doesn't feel right to me.
I am an eternal optimist and I believe in miracles, although, I don't require it of my Lord to prove anything to me, I still believe. I can't help myself because so many times He has shown himself to be a God of amazing wonderful miracles. It is because of that, I choose not to pray for his life to end. I will instead pray for him to be healed. However God chooses to do that, I will leave in God's hands. You can be sure that I will continue to pray that to the end because I also know that all things are possible with God. When the end comes, I will again be torn between the celebration of that one meeting His Lord face to face and the sadness for myself and his family because he no longer walks the Earth with us, but who knows, He may outlive all of us.
I know this won't be the last time I face these kinds of things but, I will not give up hope in a good God who loves us and who heals and battles for us no matter how the enemy and the circumstances try to convince me differently. I will continue to pray, and praise him even when hope is dim because I know that I know, that I know He exists and He is good and He has not done this to us and He has not abandoned us even now.