4.29.2014

Marriage Commitment Doesn't Mean Unhappy Commitment

Marriage requires commitment.  True commitment to a marriage does not mean commitment to unhappiness!  It means Commitment to Work it out so that both partners can be happy.
Marriage commitment doesn't mean commitment to unhappiness
So many times when ministering to someone considering divorce, they say to me, "You mean I should commit to being unhappy the rest of my life?"  They also believe that because they are not happy in their marriage that they must have married the wrong person.  Both of these beliefs are usually wrong.

Marriage is like a garden.  If left untended then it goes to weeds very quickly.  It doesn't matter how long you are married, it requires that both partners work to make it happy from this day forward.  You would never expect your garden to take care of itself no matter how many years it existed and so it is really ludicrous to believe that something far more important like your marriage should take care of itself too.

Please understand that I am not judging those who have divorced.  I realize that there are many reasons that it happens and I really do get it that sometimes someone tries as hard as they can to make it work and despite all that it still failed.

I am not speaking to those or judging anyone.  I am simply trying to help those who are considering divorce to take a step back and take a look just in case you fall into the category of letting your garden (Marriage) go untended or maybe you really believe that remaining committed to your marriage will mean unhappiness.

True commitment is committing to work it out with your partner so that both can be happy in the marriage.  It is give and take, it is a negotiation, it is working it out for the happiness of both.  Being committed means you are determined to do what it takes to work it out for the happiness of your partner and yourself even if that means getting help from a neutral party or counseling.  There is no shame in asking for help.  It is so sad to me to see those who refuse to consider counseling and then lose their partner.  Getting help does not imply weakness, it says, "I am truly committed."


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2 comments:

Laurie Ritchey said...

Great post! You have so eloquently put into words what I feel about marriage. My husband and I have been married for 44 years and as you know, the days have not all been filled with happiness. My husband is an attorney, and I am his secretary. I see a LOT of people who say they their lives are miserable and they have to get a divorce. Then I find out they've often been married less than a year. Unless there is something horribly wrong with a spouse, I cannot imagine that a year would be enough time to know that the marriage wasn't going to work or to feel that you had given it everything you could. Well done! laurie

Debra Howard said...

Thank you so very much Laurie! I was concerned that I might sound judging and that is the last thing I want anyone to feel. I want people out there to know there is help if they truly want it.