11.01.2013

I Blew It

The very first signs of Autumn are beginning to appear. I can see just a few leaves beginning to change colors in my trees.  The evenings are crisp and the days are beautiful.  On Saturday it will be time to set our clocks back again (we get to sleep an extra hour!). The cool fronts are increasingly cooler and the winds blowing a bit harder. My dear hubby and I have been enjoying my Verisimo Machine that I received last Christmas. Pumpkin Spice Latte Cappuccinos and Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte Teas for me and Caramel Cappuccinos for my dear hubby. Soon the lawn will be covered with pretty colored leaves and we will be able to light the fireplace.

It all sounds so nice doesn't it?  It would be so very easy to leave you with that impression. From the outside looking in, it appears that my dear hubby and I have it all...nice home, nice family, nice salary, nice pets. Don't get me wrong, we really do have all those things, and the word picture that I drew for you above is true too but that is not the whole story...you see, we have problems too. Things are not perfect (remember that when you are looking at another person's life and think they have it all)
If you look past the surface you will find imperfection, things that aren't so pleasant.  We aren't so different from everyone else.  We are going through some really tough times right now and there isn't much we can do to change them at the moment. We have to just hunker down, hold on, stand our ground, and know that God will get us through it. We have been through similar situations before, so, despite the great difficulty, there is a feeling of "I can do this."  Even though,  I have those positive feelings and I know the right way to handle the negative ones, it apparently doesn't take much to really set me off onto the wrong course.

Despite, prayer, my faith, my experience, my words of encouragement and all that I know is right...I really blew it. I handled things wrong. I let my frustration and anger about a situation where I feel helpless, hurt and angry get to me and I blew it.  The circumstances don't really matter but know, that I did not react well at all. Because I responded in such a negative way, I hurt someone I love very much and that is not what I wanted.  The worst of it is that I have counseled so many people to not react like I did. I know better but I still let my emotions get the best of me.
Now, I have to pick up the pieces and remember that there is Grace (Oh how I wish I had given it instead of blowing my top) Thankfully, God will always give it and He never reacts like we do. Hopefully, my loved one will give me grace and forgive me. Hopefully, I can make it up to them and our relationship will not be harmed beyond repair. Hopefully, the negative circumstances in my life will soon pass. In the meantime, I will forgive, I will continue to hope and I will continue to try despite my circumstances. I will remember to enjoy the parts of my life that are really good. The colors, the leaves, the cooler weather, my family, my Verismo Machine and most of all the grace of God. Those are things I will enjoy in spite of the other circumstances and God will get us through.
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